I was pretty naive a couple years ago when my first book came out. I held that thing in my hands for the first time and genuinely believed that the hard work was over. Now I'd just sit at home and wait for the world to discover it. Word would spread quickly. It wouldn't be long before the royalty checks started rolling in. No need to promote my book. If God wanted it to sell, it would.

I also felt no urge to become a public speaker. I was a writer, thanks, not a people person. Happy to do my thing from the comfort and safety of my home. I felt most comfortable at my childhood desk, pecking away at my keyboard in peace.

And then my book went out of print. In less than a year. Ouch. Time to rethink some things.

I'm thankful now for the reality check. And the slew of boxes in my closet, garage, basement (I bought out the rest of the publisher's stock of that title.) serve as a daily reminder that this writing gig is more involved than I thought.

I started accepting speaking engagements (2-4 a month, mostly local). People hear me talk then buy my books. My web designer hubby created e-blasts for me. I blogged more about my books. Did some give-aways. Found other bloggers who offered to give away my books on their sites.

To be honest, it all makes me a little bit uncomfortable. Sometimes a lot bit. I want to be humble. I want to glorify Christ. Talking about myself and my books all the time just seems...wrong. So I pray for wisdom, for balance. I ask God to show me what He wants me to do. I ask Him to examine my heart and show me if I've got anything in there that needs to go.

There's a message in my books that lots of people need to hear. When women e-mail me and tell me how God completely changed their hearts toward their husbands and their marriages, I know I'm doing the right thing. And I know God's answering my prayer when I receive a glowing review of a book, and my first thought is, "God, You are so awesome! You wrote this book, not me. How good You are to use it in this way for Your glory!"

I know I'm not honoring God when I check my Amazon sales ranking 10 times a day and get depressed when books aren't selling. 

My 2nd and 3rd books have blown my first one out of the water (which isn't saying much, I suppose), so that's cool. But it won't take much for sales to fizzle out and die. There's a lot of maintenance involved (sigh) in keeping your books on the shelves (of stores, not your own garage!). Some days I just don't think I'm cut out for this.

I try to start each day asking God what He'd like for me to do. And which parts to leave up to Him. How to balance my time among family, friends, church, writing, speaking, book promotion. When to work hard, when to rest. When to speak up, when to shut my mouth. He's faithful, that's for sure. I'm trying to be more assertive, pro-active, what have you. But, on the other hand, God has been so good to plop a good many opportunities right in my lap. Entirely without my help. Imagine that.

The biggest blessing I've gotten from all of this? The people. He's given me a new heart for people, a desire to truly connect with them. A love for His children and a burden to see lost souls come to know the One who gave His life for them.

And He's renewed my awareness of my desperate need for Him. For His love, His forgiveness, His power, His presence. I just want to obey God. One day at a time.

At least six people a day (give or take three or four) ask me this question. It's taken me awhile, but I've come up with a really great answer. "Um...I'm not sure really." And I'm not. I can tell you what I do know. Yes, let's start there.

I do know that I love to write and always have. I do know that it's my passion, my sweet spot, what I was born to do. I do know that reading and writing are two of my most favorite activities in all of life. I do know that if I had a free day to myself to do anything at all--anything at ALL--I would curl up with a pile of books in a bookstore. Then write for awhile. Then read. Then write. Then read some more. And somewhere in there, I'd find something to eat and drink something yummy and coffee-ish.

So, that's part of the answer. Writing is my hobby, what I do for fun. When the kiddos are sleeping and hubby is otherwise occupied, I don't crave TV or scrapbooking or (heaven forbid) housecleaning. I just want to write. And so I do.

I've learned to write in chunks, in snippets, in spurts. I have ideas for books scribbled everywhere--journals, scraps of paper, backs of receipts. And when the house is quiet (and sometimes when it's not), I start pulling pieces together and putting them where I think they should go. I don't write books from beginning to end. Each of my books is a result of (literally) thousands of bits of info sewn together over time.  Lots of filling in the cracks, adding missing parts, smoothing out transitions. Lots of rewriting, cutting, fixing until I'm happy with the result. When I can read something out loud to myself, and it makes me smile (either with satisfaction or because I find it funny), I know it's ready to go.

I'm always praying about (and often stressing over) finding the balance between my family and my writing (and everything else in my life that doesn't fit into one of those two categories). Some days I think I've got it. Some days not. It's definitely a daily discussion between God and me.

I have lots more to say, but my five-year-old is dying for a snack. So, I'll leave you with something I posted today to an online Writer's Group I'm a part of. The thread for this week was--What do you do to recover your creativity after a long writing assignment? (or something like that) It fits here, so I'd like to share it.

As a young-ish mom (32) to three small-ish girls (7, 5, and 2), I can't relate to all this talk of five-day escapes to the beach or secluded mountain cabins. But instead of being envious and wishing my daughters' childhoods away, I can make the most of what I do have right this very moment. And it's a lot.

I can get up at 5:45 a.m. and jog around my neighborhood block five or six times, talking to God and bringing my requests before Him. I can sit and read an inspiring book in my fenced-in backyard while my girls swing and play soccer (I'm really good at finding my place again after my 2-year-old says, "Mommy, look!" every 20 seconds.). I can sit and write between their bedtime and mine--either at my desk or on the couch while watching playoff hockey or cage-fighting (?!?!) with my hubby. I can even write in the mini-van (while my husband drives) during 90-minutes trips to visit family.

Someday (oh, someday!), I'll go to the beach all by myself and luxuriate (is that a word?) in the solitude. But for now, God is faithful to bring me inspiration in continuous spurts in the midst of everyday life. At the grocery store. At the park. On a field trip. Even the McDonald's drive-thru. I don't know that I'll ever have time to write all the books I have ideas for. If that day comes, I'm sure I'll long for the days I'm living now. I don't know that I've ever written for more than three hours at a time. And never at a beach or by a window with a mountain view. But that's okay. God has blessed me with three published books in two years amidst diapers and dishes. Isn't He good?

I've never really had to recover my creativity. Life with little ones is a life immersed in the creative. And I'm finding it a very sweet place to be. Thank you, Jesus. Praise you!